In the tradition of “Fake News,” anonymous sources within the Trump administration have confirmed that the Donald is considering appointment of Sarah Palin as ambassador to Antarctica. Steve Bannon has revealed that Palin would be ideal for the position for several reasons:
- Her family would be thrilled if she’d move far away.
- The is no government in Antartica, so there wouldn’t be any office for Sarah to be elected to and then quit.
- The Antarctic Treaty of 1959 prohibits military activities, so Sarah would not be able to cause a nuclear holocaust.
4. The population of Antarctica varies between 1000 in the winter and 5000 in the summer. That population is similar to that of Wasilla, the city that Palin calls home.
5. There are no libraries in Antarctica so Sarah wouldn’t be tempted to ban books about anything.
6. Nobody in Antarctica gets raped. Men who live in Antarctica would rather keep their pants zipped. That means there is no need for rape exam kits that Palin could charge women for.
7. There are no roads in Antarctica, so Palin would have no ability to waste money on a road leading to nowhere.
8. There are very few animals in Antarctica, so Palin wouldn’t be able to kill many animals.
9. Antarctica has 1,150 species of fungi, about 100 species of mosses, and 25 species of liverworts. Nobody knows what liverworts is, so when Palin explains what they are, nobody will know differently.
10. There is no economic activity in Antarctica, so Sarah couldn’t do damage to the economic systems in place.
11. There is no drilling in Antarctica, so when Sarah chants “Drill baby drill” people would tend to think she was advocating the need for a dentist to move to Antarctica.
12. It doesn’t really matter if Antarctica is a continent or a country, so Sarah wouldn’t be embarrassed about her ignorance of geography.
13. There isn’t a hospital in Antarctica, so there would be no logical reason for Sarah to have her next baby there.
14. It’s too cold in Antarctica to go camping, so Bristol wouldn’t get pregnant again.
15. It’s too expensive to keep prostitutes in Antarctica, so Sarah wouldn’t have to avoid any embarrassing massages.
16. There are no reality shows being filmed in Antarctica so Sarah wouldn’t be rejected by any network.
17. There are no newspapers in Antarctica, so there would be nothing to read.
18. There is no Supreme Court in Antarctica, so there would be no need to learn anything about the Constitutional law of Antarctica.
Some main-stream media has reported that Palin is actually being considered by Trump as his Ambassador to Canada.
Twitter went wild. Canadians were apoplectic. The only thing Sarah Palin knows about Canada is how to take advantage of their health care system.