“This morning during a radio interview, Conway explained that Trump was referencing a tiny country in the Middle East that Steve Bannon was telling him about called the Islamic Republic of Covfefe. Most scholars and even cartographers haven’t heard of Covfefe, Conway conceded, but that’s because most scholars and cartographers “go to liberal indoctrination schools” where the “maps are all government issued or funded.”
“Covfefe is a very real, very scary place,” Conway told the show’s host, “and in fact, several of the perpetrators of the Bowling Green Massacre were immigrants from Covfefe.”
Ms. Conway was referring to a terror attack that had gone largely unreported until after Trump took office. Some have posited that the press coverage of the Bowling Green Massacre was so spartan because it, in fact, didn’t actually happen. Conway didn’t get into that issue, and instead focused her comments on the Bowling Green terrorists having come from Covfefe.
“In Covfefe,” Conway explained, “there are these large gangs, and the biggest gang has this leader named Jabba the Hutt. He lives in a big, luxurious palace. He keeps women enslaved, dancing half-naked for his delight. Covfefe is a dangerous, scary place. You’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy outside the West Wing or Oval Office.” Conway insisted that Trump didn’t haphazardly and clumsily half-tweet a whining accusation of unfair treatment by the press. Instead, she says that he was about to tell the world about why Covfefe’s role in the Bowling Green Massacre justifies Trump’s embattled so-called “Muslim ban.” The executive order he signed restricting travel into the U.S. from six Muslim majority countries has been routinely smacked down by federal district courts, but Conway says that’s because none of the judges in those cases have had access to the file on Covfefe’s organized crime rings.
“Here’s the truth,” Conway said, “the totally constitutional and lawful travel ban is justified regardless. But it’s extra-super-duper justified when you realize the bastards who attacked us at Bowling Green came from a Muslim majority country that no one has heard of before. We need to not only have the full ban reinstated, we need to add the dangerous and hostile nation Covfefe added to it.”
Kellyanne Conway has a history of explaining all things Trump in a way nobody else could.