It’s not true! Donald Trump doesn’t ask any woman for advice. He hasn’t asked anyone for any advice for anything. However if he did ask for advice on quitting, Sarah Palin would be the one to ask. If there is one thing she’s an expert on, it’s quitting. Just imagine what her e-mail to the Donald might look like.
To: The Don
From: The Quitter-in-Chief
Re: Save Yourself!
Look, I know it’s bin a ruff few weaks. The Holy Spirit whispered in my eer and sed that you needed sum help! He sed that if I helped you, you’d help me get a job doing a reality show. My idea for a name fer hour knew show is the “Vice-Presidential Apprentice”. At the end of every show one of the contestants would say, “I Quit.” I would bee the moderator and you could be my first guest. It’d be a Yuge success. More people would watch than at any time in history. Hears the plot for the first epesode. You’d be the President of thu USA and under investigation by the IRS for tax fraud. The mainstream media wouldn’t leeve you alone. You had taken a deduction for all of Melania’s living expenses at Trump Tower since you’ve had to pay for out of yer own pocket, and especially fer mother’s day. Cents Melania’s living expenses would have bin paid by the taxpayers if she were living in the White House, you should at least get a deduction for them if she stays in New York, and you have to pay ‘em.
I could get my friends at Duck Dynasty to take you shootin, and my frend Ted Nugent could play the theme song for the show. Willow would do your hare. It couldn’t be worse than it is now. For your costumes, you already have the blue suit and red tie, and I already have my tableshirt, so we won’t have hi overhede. Todd would make sure your sexual needs are met without you ever havin to grab another pussy yourself. Bristol knows what to do with any offspring, and Track will beat up any woman who complains about your little fingers. At the end of every show I will make blueberry pie and you can have two scups of ice cream on yours.
At the end of the show all you have to do is git your friends in Russia to offer you a job, and you could announce you are quittin your job as President for the good of the people. It serves the people in ‘Merica right if they have ta git a new President as you told them what you’d do if elected and you gave them plenty of warning that they should never believe you. What a bunch of idiots!
I have one condition to the dill. You gotta get rid of the Kellyanne girl. Every time she speaks, people roll their eyes.
We can’t have alternative episodes. She makes my skin crawl and my wig curl. We can keep the Spice guy, an he can make commercials for Old Spice and your new landscaping company called “One in the Bushes”.
We can also make money from SNL by paying us a commission frum every episode wear we provide the subject matter for the skits.
Nun of this’ll work if you wait to announce the show till after your impeared. Call a press conference, don’t let anyone else handle the conference, and announce you’re a Quitter. Ivanka can keep her office at the White House, and can keep her title that seems to be a real advantage for her business and there will no longer be a nepotism problem.
If none of these ideas work, you might be able to be the next spokesperson for Nutri-system and make a yuge salary that way.