It was January 1st exactly one year ago that I published a list of New Years Resolutions that I thought Sarah Palin might have made. Today we look back over the last year to see if she accomplished any.
1. Divorce Todd, the two-toned pimp.-Failed
2. Spend at least 2 minutes each day with Trig.-Failed. It appears Sarah has shipped Trig back to his mother.
3. 3. Visit my granddaughter Kyla at least once. Failed. We haven’t seen one picture of Sarah and Kyla this year!
4. 4. Go to church at least once. Failed. We haven’t seen one picture or post or Twitter remark about Palin attending church.
5. 5. Limit the number of plastic surgeries for the year to five. Probably. Sarah would surely look better if she’d had more surgery.
6. 6. Always appear in public with the same size bust. Unclear.
7. 7. Always wear gloves when applying tanning solutions. N/A It appears she has given up on tanning all together.
8. 8. Stop giving speeches. Totally Failed!
9. 9. Wait to quit my next job until I have deleted all e-mails. Failed, Sarah never got another job.
10. 10. Read something…even if it is the directions on the bottle of tanning solution. No evidence to indicate she read anything this year.
11. 11. When going to a party, or family brawl, always take three members of the APD with me who know who I am. Palin simply stopped brawling with the family and left it up to Track to hit and kick his pregnant girl friend.
12. 12. Write a book about how to tell a lie and make yourself believe it. Failed. No books were written this year.
13. 13. Write a book about maps in Alaska. Failed
14. 14. Write a book about hunting witches for fun and profit.Failed
15. 15. Take shooting lessons. If she did, there is no evidence of it. Failed
16. 16. Find out what moose meat really tastes like. Failed
17. 17. Now that I have a biracial grandchild,
(a) (a)Introduce her to my black friend Glen. Failed.
(b) (b)I’ll quit talking about moose chili, and instead talk about moose chitterlings. Failed.
(c) (c)I’ll pretend to like Drake, Failed.
and I’ll get a shirt for Todd to wear. Failed.