The following is written satirically, but it’s funny only because it could be true!
Dear Donald, my favorite pussy grabber and accused rapist,
Hey congrats on your win! I know you think you did this all by yourself,…and even though Sarah didn’t give you any money,…and even though most people find your appearance repulsive…and even though Sarah had to travel from far away from Alaska …and even though I wasn’t there to campaign for you, I did send all the women/girls in my family to appear with you when nobody else in the country would let their female members get close to you.
Look! I know that you said there would be a place in your cabinet for Sarah, but let’s be real. She doesn’t want the job. She doesn’t want any job. She hasn’t had a real job for about 7 years. She quit her job as Governor, and she’ll quit her job in your cabinet if you appoint her. I know you are thinking of her for Interior secretary, but do you know that she’s horrible with interior decorating?! Do you know what she did to her office when she was Mayor of Wasilla? Even though she pretended to be frugal during her short term as Mayor of Wasilla, her administration was characterized by waste, cronyism and incompetence. For God’s sake! She spent $50,000 of city funds on what was described as a “lavish expenditure” to redecorate her office, without the council’s authorization. She put red flocked wallpaper in the office to make it look more like a bordello than the mayor’s office.
Maybe that’s the look you are going for, so if that’s what you want…knock yourself out. Maybe you can get a new outfit for the inauguration for Melania? I hear it gets pretty cold in DC in January.
Maybe you and Melania can launch a new line of women’s night wear that she could model in the Presidential bed.
Now we know why Barbara Bush was so jealous of Melania, and why she wanted Sarah to stay in Alaska.
Ya know, Wikipedia isn’t a reliable source for anything, so when they say the Department of Interior is all about responsible management and conservation of federal land and natural resources, I know that’s gotta be wrong . Who would put Sarah in a position to destroy federal land and expedite the extinction of most animals in America?
So about my role in your administration. I am the perfect person to run the Secret Service.
I already have a pair of sunglasses.
I already know how the Secret Service views women.
I already know how to cover up scandal.
I shoot guns.
I know how to drink and drive, and make people forget about it.
If Congress subpoenas me to testify about the culture of corruption at the Secret Service, I am more than willing to ignore their subpoena.
I am always watching, and the Secret Service must be always vigilant.