Wisdom of Phyllis Diller is Timeless


Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian,actress,singer, dancer,

and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her
self-deprecating humour, her wild hair and clothes.
Don’t worry, as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shovelling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller

The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller

My photographs don’t do me justice -they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller


5 thoughts on “Wisdom of Phyllis Diller is Timeless

Add yours

  1. Ha! Much needed levity, Malia! Thank you.

    I had a crazy friend who served TV dinners to our bridge group for lunch on French Haviland china.

    We weren’t wearing pill box hats and white gloves; however pearls and hose may have been observed. (Over martinis.)

    She ended up on the 4th floor of our local hospital for a 6 week time-out and her thirty years plus+ husband then divorced her.

    He would later miss her terribly.


      1. Actually, Malia, I wrote that post rather awkwardly.
        Julie married a man 37 yrs. older and was a Phyllis Diller personality if there ever was one besides the old gal herself! Julie was in the nut ward but went on to live a very happy and hysterical life while Bjorn stewed in his old age juices! She was a hoot and our bridge group was never the same……

        Her TV dinner idea ? Ms. Diller the week before!
        And yes, I sure wish Dorothy Parker had been there.

        – (“What fresh hell is this?”) –
        – (“Tell them to call me back. I’m busy f—king, or vice versa.”) –

        I may use the latter on my message machine if Trump wins.


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