We have not been privy to any private communications between Trump and Putin. Trump seems to only communicate in 140 character comments on Twitter. Thus it is unclear if he has ever sent an e-mail to Putin. However it’s fun to speculate about what such an e-mail might look like.
To: Vladimir Putin
From: The Donald
Re: Making Russia Great Again
I know you are glad to hear from me. Thousands of people sit by their computer just hoping to catch a glimpse of a Tweet from me. Hundreds of Thousands of people would pay a lot of money for a personal note from me.
I am leading in all the polls by a double digit margin. The Pope himself has asked if he could campaign for me. President Obama has endorsed me saying that I was the most fit candidate for the job. Melania has arranged with Harvard to take a sabbatical from her teaching professorship during the time I’m in the White House. I love dogs and they love me. I have already had over 1000 people offer to lend me their dogs while I’m in the White House to create the appearance that I care about something other than myself.
I’ve started a new charitable endeavor called the Trump Loves Women campaign. I personally paying for mammograms for any woman willing to allow my students at Trump University to practice their recently learned radiological skills. I can afford this charitable program because I’m really rich.
A lot of people attended the DNC in Pennsylvania. They were out of control, shooting police and chopping off heads. Hillary paid some Muslims to speak on her behalf. It was an affront to all that Americans believe in. If it were up to me I’d hit those little guys so hard their heads would spin.
In case I forgot to mention, I’m really rich. I don’t say that in a braggadocios way.. It’s just a fact. I think that’s why so many people love me. Hispanics, Women, and Minorities of all colors and sizes love me. Even the disabled have favored me in the polls.
I’m still thinking about endorsing Paul Ryan, but I’ve already endorsed you. Russia is a market that has so much potential. I’m considering building, at great personal sacrifice, a casino in your country. I just have one question: Do Russians have a bankruptcy law?
Many many people have been trying to get me to move to Russia. People in America love me so much that they want to keep me for themselves. However I’m considering moving to Russia to make Russia Great Again. What would it b e worth to you to get me to move? What would it be worth to you to have me remain in the United States and continue to create such divison?
Have you seen my fingers? They are so so big. I mean I have people stop me on the street just to remark on the size of my fingers.
Have you seen my daughter? She’s really hot isn’t she?
If I move to Russia would I ever have to release my tax returns?
By the way, do you allow Muslim immigrants?
Do you want me to build a wall to keep all Muslims out of Russia. I’ll get Iran to pay for it.
What is your stance on abortion? I can go either way on that one.
Did you ever waive back to Sarah Palin?
I’ve enclosed an autographed hat for you.