To: The Donald
From: Grandma Palin
Don’t be disheartened. We aren’t losers. I know the Bushes said they wouldn’t vote for you, but they didn’t like me either.
Trig still doesn’t even know who you are so he’s not offended. The disabled often don’t, or can’t vote, so who cares?
I know Paul Ryan would sue you if you tried to ban Muslim immigrants, but if President you could just send him to Guantanamo and hold him without cause till your terms had expired.
I gave you advice, and it was working. I told you to say something hateful about Hispanics, and you did. I encouraged you to disparage women, and you did. You joined me in my hatred of Muslims. Neither of us were ever fond of Blacks. You said all the right things about the Orlando shooting…it was a Muslim terrorist, attacking gay men, exercising his 2nd Amendment rights. You are right, it was a “beautiful sight.” I know the NRA said: “No one thinks that people should go into a nightclub drinking and carrying firearms.” “That defies common sense. It also defies the law. It’s not what we’re talking about here.” Well are those people retards (of course in the satirical sense)? A night club is the place people need their guns most urgently. When people get drunk they often turn to their guns. (Take the recent episode with Track). If you don’t take your gun into a night club, why have one at all? When Bristol and I go shooting at the pistol range,our favorite target is this stupid looking guy with a beer in hand standing at the bar.
Hey, I just heard you fired that Corey guy. What do you need a campaign manager anyway. I fired all the people I was close to when I was Mayor and Governor.
Besides I heard that Corey Lewd-whatever pushed that girl. Well what kind of a man pushes a girl and isn’t strong enough to knock her down?
I know you asked for more money. People won’t believe that you need more money if you have a lot of high paid executives on your payroll.
I know that the lame-stream media is reporting the grim reality that you are at a lower ebb than any general election candidate has hit in the last three elections.” Well, buck-up! Don’t retreat , reload. That’s what I told Todd when he fell off his snowmobile.
This is the way I look at it. You are in the race, so you are a politician. If you don’t get the GOP nomination, you can be part of the Tea Party. If you don’t win the national election you can remain Undefeated. If you’re a loser, I’ll put a good word for you at the station about being the bailiff in my court room! We’ll remain undefeated together. Stay strong!
P.S. If you decide to quit and need a speech, I could write one for you..
If you need a letter from God, and can write one of those too.