It’s been over one year since I did my best to help out the Anchorage Police Department by preparing my own version of a Code of Sexual Conduct for them. The inspiration for the formulation of that post was a combination of the conviction of Officer Rollins just two days before, the multiple contradictions in press releases issued by the Anchorage Police Department from their own records and their unwillingness to correct them, and their willingness to ignore the statements of independent witnesses regarding Todd Palin’s involvement with a group of prostitutes, including Shailey Tripp. Yesterday the Anchorage Daily News reported that the Police Department knew about inappropriate sexual adventures of Officer Rollins for a long period of time before his encounters made the subject of the convictions for which he was jailed.

The most ironic part of this story was that Officer Rollins was reportedly discovered in the PUBLIC AFFAIRS OFFICE having sex. While that may be the SOP for the Anchorage Police Department, it is troubling to me.

Thus, I am taking the liberty of posting again the Unidentified Anchorage Police Department Sexual Code of Conduct in hopes that more police officers in Anchorage will pay attention.

The Unidentified Anchorage Police Department Sexual Code of Conduct

Whereas, the Anchorage Police Officers have been having sex on the job; and

Whereas, most of the time that the Anchorage Police Officers have had sex on the job it was “consensual; and

Whereas, only one Anchorage Police Officer has been convicted, this week, of four counts of rape, while on the job, in his uniform, and the victims were women he had arrested; and

Whereas, the Anchorage Police Department had adopted a “Don’t ask, Don’t Tell” policy regarding high profile men who have had sex with prostitutes; and

Whereas, the Anchorage Police Department is willing to refudiate anything Sarah Palin’s attorneys would like refudiated; and

Whereas, the Anchorage Police Department publishes all Press Releases of the department on its web site, except those requested by a celebrity’s attorney; and

Whereas the Anchorage Police Department has an officer whose job it is to issue press releases, but who relies upon only the records and information in his computer, and not necessarily the entire police file; and

Whereas, the Anchorage Police Department will not issue a retraction of a press release previously issued to a tabloid, at the request of a celebrity to refudiate a story that is less than complimentary of the celebrity’s husband, even when if the previous pronouncement is proved to be wrong by APD’s own records, and even if the previous press release causes the APD to appear to be biased; and

Whereas, the Palin’s have a long history with the police, including:

1. Todd Palin’s DWI

2. Track Palin’s defacement of 44 school buses. No conviction resulted.

3. Willow Palin’s trespass and vandalism of a private home. No conviction occurred. No conviction occurred.

4. Todd and Sarah Palin operated a motor vehicle on national television in violation of state law. Sarah Palin was not wearing her seat belt, and none of the children in the RV were restrained. Even the small children were not restrained in proper car seats. No charges have been filed in spite of televised proof of their total disregard of the law, and in spite of blatant disregard for the safety of their children.

5. Dianna Palin, burglary and child endangerment.

Dianna Palin committed burglary of a private home on two separate occasions and took her 4 year old child with her. Investigators established that the burglary of this particular house was only one in a series of burglaries of homes committed by Dianna Palin. Perhaps because Dianna is Todd’s sister, and not a member of the immediate family of Sarah Palin, charges were filed against Dianna. However for some inexplicable reason the judge determined that the appropriate punishment would be probation, and if Dianna successfully completes her probation, the record of this felon will be expunged. Burglary in Alaska is a Class B Felony and generally carries a punishment of 10 years in prison. Child endangerment by itself can be a felony in Alaska. The homeowner hiding in the shower with a gun indicated that he could have shot the child when she wandered into the home while her mother was attempting the burglary.

6. Todd Palin-possible violations of Alaska law regarding prostitution. Since the cell phones and computers seized of Shailey Tripp and Kashawn Thomas were not checked, and this case is now old and cold, it is predictable that there will never be any investigation of Todd Palin and his alleged involvement with Shailey Tripp and Kashawn Thomas and the house of prostitution.

Whereas, the citizens of Alaska, and of American, will no longer tolerate the blatant bias and favoritism repeatedly demonstrated by the Anchorage Police Department, and the Courts of Alaska, but the Police Department is unable to control or require the Judges in Alaska to enforce the law when a celebrity, or her family members are involved,

Now Therefore, the Anchorage Police Department hereby adopts this the

Anchorage Police Department Sexual Code of Conduct.

1. All officers of the Anchorage Police Department will refrain from sexual intercourse during the time each day that tax payers are responsible for paying their salary. Tax payers are not willing to foot the bill for the sexual gratification of police officers while on duty.

2. In the event that Anchorage Police Officers engage in sexual intercourse away from the office, and on their own time, they have the freedom to wear any type of clothing they may deem appropriate, but no pictures will be allowed to be taken if the officer remains in uniform. If handcuffs appear in any photographs, the initials “APD” must be blacked out.

3. Any officer of the Anchorage Police Department will forfeit one month’s salary in the event he/she engages in sexual intercourse while on the job.

4. In the event any Police Officer rapes a person who is under arrest while said Police Officer is on the job, that officer will forfeit two month’s salary. Half of any profits made from a reality show pertaining to those violent acts will be donated to the charity of the Police Chief’s choosing.

5. Any Police Officer who has sexual intercourse while on the job, and who subsequently has a child out of wedlock, and is then invited to appear on Dancing With the Stars, is strictly prohibited from wearing their uniform on the show.

6. No press releases will hereinafter be issued.

7. In the event any Anchorage Police officer is charged with masturbation they will be required to go to confession, and purchase Christine O’Donnell’s therapeutic DVD for $19.95.

8. From this date forward if a prostitute is arrested, absolutely NO evidence will be seized.

9. Any evidence in the possession of the Anchorage Police Department that was seized as a result of a prostitution charge will be destroyed at the earliest possible date, with no regard to the financial burden on the state.

10. All police officers in training will be required to attend 10 hours of abstinence training.

11. Any victims of rape, allegedly committed by a member of the Anchorage Police Department, will be required to pay for their rape-examination kit.

12. The second amendment rights of any members of the Anchorage Police Force who are imprisoned as a result of the commission of a felony will be protected at all costs. Possession of a firearm by Police Officers in prison is essential to the protection of their life and liberty.

13. Anchorage Police Officers will be required to dispose of used condoms in zip-lock baggies placed in a covered trash receptacle.

14. Any homosexual Anchorage Police Officers will be required to maintain a prayer vigil until the time they are no longer of the homosexual persuasion.

15. Anchorage Police Officers will be required to use their “common sense” when determining were, with whom, and how often, they should engage in sexual intercourse.

16. Any Police Officers caught in the act of sexual intercourse on the job are hereby prohibited from:

1. Using the term “blood libel” to describe the situation

2. Mentioning the name of Ronald Reagan

3. Using the term “reload”

4. Talking to God about the problem

5. Whispering to the Holy Spirit

6. Suggesting that our North Korean allies made them do it

7. Suggesting that the way to prevent this atrocity in the future is to build dikes around the police officers in question.

8. Using Vicks to generate tears to attempt to create the impression of sorrow and remorse

9. Giving any interview with anyone from Fox news about the ordeal

10. Appearing on Comedy Central or SNL

11. Seeking reimbursement for expenses associated with sexual implements used during the event

12. Using any form of birth control as the Anchorage Police Force adheres to a policy of Abstinence Only

13. Choosing a Democrat as a partner, as they might be tempted to tell the truth