Beware: Mama Grizzlies Have Escaped!

The U.S. Department of Forestry today announced the escape of two female Grizzly Bears from a traveling circus. The circus was under investigation for ethical violations and animal rights advocates have lodged repeated complaints relating to the abusive conditions imposed by sounds emanating from the circus.  Circus performances were characterized by outrageous ticket prices, and repetition of old tricks that were unimpressive to audiences foolish enough to purchase tickets.  However cameras were never allowed to film the performances, so the perception of similarity of tricks performed by the bears was subject to the variability in memory of members of the audience.

One of the bears answers to the name “Sarah,” and the other answers to “Star”.  It is not clear if these names represent an apparent attempt to attract media attention.  Sarah is slightly younger, and is of lighter complexion than Star bear.  Star may be readily identified by her darker fur color and the length of her fur.  Seeing a bear can be a most memorable and exciting experience.  However BEWARE!  These bears are quite hungry and have no fear of humans when it comes to seeking out food or money.  These bears are extremely adept at foraging for food and money.  They have demonstrated the ability to mislead and use their cunning to draw in their prey.  These Grizzlies, especially the younger one, has been known to even kill other bears.

Bears have been known to swim, climb trees, bend open car doors, and pry out windshields.  They have demonstrated their ability to adapt their lifestyles to the availability of food and money.  Star has a history of living off of the food and money she could take from humans. Sarah has a history of killing any animal in her path.

Both bears seem to have a similar view of the world in which they live.  Both say and do things that serve their purpose at the time, but things they say are often directly contrary to previous behavior.  Under NO circumstances should you allow these bears to persuade you to give them food or money, as they already have more than enough to sustain them for the foreseeable future.  Both bears have similar traits, so you may be able to distinguish them from other bears.  Similarities include:

  1. Star had 4 abortions.  Sarah only contemplated having an abortion.  Both are now openly critical of any other bear that might make the choice of having an abortion, even if the pregnancy was the result of abuse by a papa bear, or by a rogue bear.
  2. Both Star and Sarah bears are now grandmothers, so they tend to be less protective of their offspring.
  3. Bears that prefer bears of the same sex should be especially mindful of avoiding any contact with these two bears.  Each seems to lack respect for homosexual bears.
  4. Even though both bears became pregnant before forming a life long bond with a papa bear, neither bear advocates use of birth control.  Mating for these bears is serious business and appears to be for the sole purpose of procreation.  This may result in unanticipated acts of aggression.
  5. Star and Sarah bear have worked to create the impression that they are self reliant and self sufficient.  However the reality is that these bears are very cunning.  Star bear has a history of relying upon zoo keepers to provide food and shelter for her, and Sarah bear has a history of relying upon zoo keepers for medical treatment of her family members.
  6. Both bears believe that they are the highest creatures on the food chain, and that they were created directly by God, in his image, and discount anyone who suggests that bears evolved from other creatures.
  7. Both bears have published books.  While it appears Star has established her ability to read the same is not true of Sarah bear.
  8. Experience with illegal drugs is a common characteristic of both bears.
  9. Both bears have had periods in their past where they were not employed; Sarah after she resigned from the Oil & Gas Commission, and Star while she was on welfare.
  10. Both bears have spent time in Alaska, so the people of Alaska should be especially cautious.
  11. Star bear has a history of taking things from stores without paying for them.  Sarah bear seems to have been cleverer about things she takes, as evidenced by her accumulation of swag at the Academy Awards.
  12. Both bears indicate they love their freedom, so any attempts to cage these bears may be met with violent behavior.  If either bear is spotted, please contact the Forestry Department immediately so that experts can re-locate the bears to a remote location where no harm may be caused.
  13. Even though these bears have a lot in common, they should never be left alone together.  Sarah bear has a long history of turning on those who might have previously been perceived as friendly.  With names that both start with the letter “S” the bears may become confused and try to eat the food of the other.  Sarah bear also has a history of discomfort with bears with skin and fur pigment different than her own.  Thus we may not be able to predict violent behavior of Sarah bear towards Star bear if they are left alone.
  14. Both bears seem to think there is a big bear in the sky that controls their destiny, so if confronted by either bear, drop to your knees with folded hands, and pray.
  15. Sarah bear has a history of unpredictability.  She has repeatedly demonstrated her lack of respect for community organizers and humans who might be associated with a message of hope.  Star bear has a history of community involvement and advertises a message of “hope”.  Thus Star bear should exercise extreme caution if Sarah bear begins to growl.

Two final words of CAUTION:  (1) Sarah bear believes she has “common sense”.  This is an especially dangerous trait of this Grizzly.  She lacks any common sense as illustrated by her tendency to abandon her own bear cubs, her insatiable desire for bear meat, and her ongoing attempts to build dikes in the ocean where she can’t reach the ocean floor and at a distance so far from shore that she could never swim back.  (2) DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS!  Never give bears food or money.  Giving food or money to these bears will only encourage dependence.  Dependence on others for food and money will inevitable result in the demise of these bears teaching them a lifestyle of dependence.

Grizzly Bears can injure or kill people.  When pressed they usually retreat, sometimes abandoning their cubs.  If you spot either Sarah bear or Star bear DO NOT ATTEMPT CONTACT!!  Contact the Wyoming Game and Fish department at (307) 777-4600 between 8:00-5:00 Mountain Time.

8 thoughts on “Beware: Mama Grizzlies Have Escaped!

Add yours

  1. You forgot to mention that Sarah bear is especially testy because of her tendancy to wear tight heels that pinch her feet. Vanity…it’s enough to make you grizzly.


    1. Sam3710, I get a little carried away at times, but I think it is theraputic for all of us to laugh at the absurdity of a woman having four abortions, and then becoming an advocate for the Right to Life Movement. I guess its no different than Bristol Palin suggesting she is a “Born again Virgin”. I must be dense, but I just don’t understand how people can take any of them seriously. Malia


  2. Oh, how did I ever miss this post?!? This is GREAT, Malia!

    This is the BEST VIDEO EVER about Sarah Palin’s Mama Grizzlies and fits right in with this post:

    It is unfortunate that the blurb about Star Parker in this video failed to mention that she has publicly disclosed that she has had 4 abortions, but IOKIYAR, right?


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